TECHWRTR For Sale

If you're an experienced tech writer, you may be asked to do more than just tech writing. You may have to write documents which try to sell a product, documents such as Release Notes or other marketing material.

Writing to sell is therefore an important skill to have, but not just for work. It's handy when you are trying to sell something. On that note, I recently sold my 2001 Honda Civic, license plate: TECHWRTR.

Here's the actual ad copy I used on Craig's list and Kijiji, with my private info hidden to protect the innocent:

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2001 Honda Civic LX

Contact Info

• Andrew Brooke
• 416 NNN-NNNN (home) or 416 NNN-NNNN (office)
• name@email.com

See pictures at:
http://website of pics

• Private sale - no GST.

General Features

• 4 door sedan
• 120,300 km: average of only 15,040 km/year
• automatic transmission
• air conditioning
• seats five comfortably
• beige exterior and interior
• 4 cylinder engine
• front-wheel drive
• body-side moulding
• original owner, non-smoker
• accident-free
• very well maintained
• very comfortable and spacious
• great on gas
• interior, exterior and engine all professionally cleaned

• rated "good bet" by Consumers Reports: "The Civic...has good crash-test results, handles well, and has outstanding reliability. A redesign for 2001 offered a bit more cabin space. It has a firm ride and relatively nimble handling."

Comfort & Convenience

• cruise control
• power windows
• power door locks
• power adjustable heated side mirrors
• driver and passenger vanity mirrors
• adjustable tilt steering wheel
• power assisted steering
• interior remote (lockable) trunk release
• interior remote fuel release
• 60/40 split fold-down rear seat for extra trunk storage
• no floor hump in rear passenger section, giving extra room in back
• 4 speaker digital AM/FM CD player (holds 1 CD) with clock and multiple station presets
• remote door lock/unlock (two remote openers included)
• two extra front cabin lights
• height-adjustable front headrests
• two front seat cup holders
• centre console storage compartment
• intermittent wipers
• digital odometer/trip meter
• plenty of door storage space
• adjustable console brightness
• large trunk with cargo light
• driver's side armrest
• accessory power socket
• rear window defrost and internal antenna
• ergonomic cloth seats

Safety Features

• driver and passenger side airbags
• ABS (anti-lock) brakes
• 3 month old tires
• anti-theft ignition (car cannot be started without the original programmable key)
• anti-theft radio
• rear door child-proof locks
• master power door lock
• master power window lock (locks all windows)

Extra Console Indicators

• tachometer
• automatic gear indicator on dashboard
• low fuel indicator
• low oil pressure indicator
• maintenance indicator
• low windshield washer fluid indicator
• seatbelt reminder indicator
• trunk open indicator

Maintenance & Testing

• all testing and oil change done July 27, 2009
• all service records included
• owner's manual and all other original documents from dealer
• call my mechanic, Mario DiLeo for more information about the maintenance of this car: 416 NNN-NNNN.

Required Documentation

These required documents are included at no extra cost:

• Ontario Used Vehicle Information Package: $20 cost - included
• Emissions test/Ontario DriveClean program: $37 cost - included
• Ontario safety certification: $95 cost - included

Other Included Items

• two master keys + one chauffeur key
• two keyless remotes with panic button
• mini-spare tire with jack
• touch-up paint
• original Honda cloth floor mats

Free Extras!

• four free beige rubber all-season floor mats
• black plastic trunk liner
• two free summer windshield fluid jugs
• free 2007 Perley's Toronto large print map book (like new!)
• free license plate covers
• free full tank of gas

Note: A cash deposit is required to purchase this car.

Ready to go - just buy and drive!

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This is an ad only a tech writer could come up with. But it worked - I received many calls and had several showings. The car sold quickly because the ad was clear, concise, descriptive, and had lots of good photos. Plus, everyone loves a good Honda.

So, whether you're trying to sell a car or get the user to learn a product, all writing must cause the reader to do something. If it doesn't, then why are you writing?

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Microwaveable Message

I'm annoyed with the writer who developed the message that appears on my microwave when it's finished cooking. The message is: ENJOY YOUR MEAL.

Maybe I'm not cooking a meal - maybe it's just a snack. Maybe I'm heating up a drink or a small, defenseless animal. Maybe I don't want to enjoy my meal. Besides - how can an appliance wish enjoyment on anyone? I thought only higher mammals could do that.

On top of all this, it takes an agonizing five seconds to display the message because it has to scroll the letters vertically and can display only about five letters at a time. Five seconds to a normal person is five hours to a tech writer.

If I'd been the tech writer on this job, here's the message I'd have written:

DONE

Now I'm done with this blog entry.

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Michael J. vs. Mahmoud A.: A Study in Conflict

It's sure been a busy few weeks in the newsrooms. The sudden death of pop legend Michael Jackson was not only a media mega-event, it was an astute career move on his part, dramatically increasing his music sales; perhaps he should have died more often. (For those of you who thinking I'm being cold, sober up, and read this.)

What's astounding is how coverage of Jackson's death completely obliterated the other much more important event: the ongoing protests in Iran. Iran's population is 70 million - over twice that of Canada's. More people would be affected by a change in the Iranian government than by Jackson's death.

Twitter Twatter
I could talk about how these two stories are connected because they're both excellent examples of how new technologies such as Twitter and cell phone cameras allowed the news to spread so quickly. But plenty of techno talking heads have already observed this. What's more interesting to me is how these two stories are connected because they show the ultimate result of conflict: trying to mix two diametrically opposed ideas and obtain a successful result.

Mahmoud the Madman
Iran's conflict is obvious. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, a delusional psychopath of a president, is trying to run the country as a "theocratic democracy", which makes as much sense as a 600 page "quick start guide". A state can be a theocracy or a democracy - it cannot be both. The protests arose as a direct result of this conflict. They would not have occurred if elections weren't allowed in the first place or if Iran was a real democracy. It is the conflict between these two ideas that caused all the ruckus.

Madman in the Mirror
Jackson's conflict is subtler, as it's the conflict within one person instead of an entire nation. Jackson was a brilliant and gifted musician, dancer and performer. The problem was that he thought this also made him a brilliant and gifted person, so much so that he raised himself to the status of a demi-god. His massive statutes and endless tributes to himself are ample proof of this.

Jacko thought he could do no wrong, and this included doing whatever he wanted to innocent children. You could say his downfall began November 16th, 2006, for on that date he was booed at the World Music Awards in England, and left the stage visibly shocked. The real world's view of Jackson had come crashing into Jackson's view of himself. Death through addiction was the ultimate conflict resolution.

Communication Conflicts
Conflicts like these, where two opposing entities try to occupy the same place, exist in our profession. They include non-technical communicators, primarily developers and marketers, pretending to be technical communicators.

A marketing technical communicator or a programmer technical communicator is as much of an oxymoron as Iran's theocratic democracy. The result can be a guide from the marketing department that constantly tells users how wonderful the product is and thanking them for purchasing it, without really telling them how to use it. Alternatively, if written by a programmer, the guide is hyper-technical, generally incomprehensible, and filled with such lovely phrases as: "Make sure the two modules play nicely with each other."

Internal Documentation
Of course, it's easy to make fun of marketers and developers, because that's what they're there for. Other conflicts involve us and the actual work we do. On the one hand, our profession demands that we are honest and open with our readers, and tell them what they need to know to use the thing we are documenting. On the other hand, there is pressure not to tell users every single problem that could occur in the product, lest we scare them off. An experienced technical communicator, working with the product manager, will steer the right path between these two opposing goals. It's a dirty job, but it sure beats working in a slaughterhouse.

A more serious conflict, akin to Jackon's internal conflict, is the one within some technical communicators who really should not be technical communicators. Maybe they've changed. Maybe they never really had a passion for words, clarity and the thrill of creating a complex table or a clear and succinct instruction. (I still love the smell of Visio in the morning.) Whatever the reason, communicators who are no longer interested in communicating had better find something else to do, because eventually, as with Michael and Mahmoud, the world will finally catch up with them.

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