Obama and Great Expectations

Obama'd out yet? Tired of the media's "all Obama, all the time" coverage? Thought you might be able to escape it in this column? Sorry - no such luck.

Tip: To increase the readership of your docs, include Obama in the title - the Obama User Guide, the Obama Release Notes, and so on.

No individual in recent memory has set expectations so high. A financial meltdown, two wars, the Middle East conflict, and the ongoing war on terror, to name a few. We want all this fixed. Now, please.

Congratulations, Mr. Obama - you just won the most difficult job in the world.

Obama will painfully learn the primary rule of the working world: set expectations low, then exceed them.

In technical communication, management has two expectations:

1. The documentation will be completed on time.
2. The documentation will be good quality.

These are the expectations. We know the reality. Always under-promise and over-deliver. If you think it will take a week, say it will take two - it probably will.

Imagine two writers each completing two equally-sized projects in the same amount of time and achieving the same level of quality. One is a hero; the other a failure. The only difference? The documentation quality and development time that was promised.

Let all the players know: you can have it right or you can have it fast. You have a choice to make. Have the "audacity" to make a good one.

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Bailing Out On History

It's not a fun time to be working for the Big Three, soon to be the Small Three, Two, One or None. Ford, Chrysler and General Motors are fighting for their lives, receiving government bailouts in the billions - that's billions with a B, as in Bloody Big.

When you take the first letters of the these three companies (F.C.G.M.) it makes a cute little acronym: Failed Cars, Godawful Management. You have to wonder how such highly paid managers deduced that higher gas prices mean building bigger, less fuel efficient cars.

Of course, now other struggling industries are lining up at the trough. Where will it end? It's time to take a trip down memory lane and look at all the failed communications industries and technologies over the years and see what they would have to say today.

Papyrus Manufacturers (3500 B.C.) We work hard to make paper out of trees. And now these new guys are coming along making better, smoother paper out of fibres. Talk about paperwork - it's just not fair! We need lots of paper money to save our paper.

The Union of Quill Pen Makers (3500 B.C.) Damn those ballpoint pen makers! They make a pen that you don't have to continually dip in ink - where's the fun in that? Our industry is going straight to the birds!

Block Printers (200 A.D.) The movable type industry has decimated our business. If we don't get help, thousands of block-heads will lose their jobs.

Movable Type Printers (1040 A.D) This is Mr. Gutenberg. I've spent years inhaling the lead fumes from the movable type blocks I've made, and let me tell ya, there's nothing like it. But now these new printing processes are coming along and putting me out of business. I may have to lay off my my maid, my cook, and even my mistress. I need help!

Lithographers (1796) We're still around, but mostly for big printing projects. Everyone seems to have their own printer now. Tell your local politician to support Proposition 300: Ban the colour blue from private use!

Mimeograph Makers (1876) / Ditto machine (1923) / Thermofax (1950s) - We're all getting killed by those new photocopying machines. But we're worth saving, because we've got the one thing they don't: that wonderful smell. Mmmmm - chemical fumes.....

Typewriter Manufacturers (1850s onwards) - Why would anyone want to buy a computer? They crash, they're too complicated, and they don't make the wonderful clickety-clack sound that our machines do. Trust us, they'll never succeed.

Word Processing Machines (1970s onwards) - Like the typewriter guys said, no one is going to want to buy a full blown computer when a dedicated word processing machine will do. Besides, 12 point Courier is all the font you need.

Newspapers and Magazines (1600s onwards) - God, it's brutal out there. We've had to lay off thousands of people. Don't people read anymore? Oh yeah, there's that new thing around. Whadya call it again? The Internet? Yeah, like that'll last...

Failed Software, Hardware and Computer Companies (1960s-present) - Microsoft bad. We good. Give us money.

* * *

If you still support bailing out the Big Three, then I'd say start up a petition - using a quill pen on papyrus, of course.

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Let's Play ... Documentation!

I've recently become an online Othello addict. Like any good game, it's simple to learn and difficult to master. Mind games are all the rage these days, whether it's traditional games and puzzles such as crosswords or Suduko, or the electronic Brain Age game for the Nintendo DS (which I've also played). Everyone loves a good game, but did you know that playing games is actually good for you? The mind is a muscle that needs regular exercise, otherwise it becomes, uh, what's the word, oh yes...slow.

The Documentation Game

The documentation process is often grueling. If it could be played like a game, wouldn't that make it more enjoyable, and possibly even fun? But if documentation is a game, what is the object of the game, what are the rules and who are you playing against?

Object-Oriented

The object of the Documentation Game is simple. It is to ensure that the end user:

• finds the information they are looking for

and

• understands and uses the information they find

There is no partial scoring. If the user finds the information but does not understand or cannot use it, sorry - you lose.

Rules of the Game

The rules of the Documentation Game are also simple. You're allowed to use any and all documentation tools and processes at your disposal to supply information to the user. These include anything from a simple text editor (such as Notepad), all the way up to a sophisticated content management system.

You lose the game if:

• the user has to call technical support
• you have to contact the user to supply or explain the information
• the user gives up and returns the product

You also lose points if the user curses the technical writer.

Documentation Hell

Your opponent in the Documentation Game is an extremely ugly and dangerous beast that is as old as knowledge itself. Its name, should you dare to speak it, is the I-Devil; the I stands for Inaction and Incomprehension. The I-Devil wins if:

• the user cannot find the information they need
• the user finds the information but cannot use it (Inaction) or cannot understand it (Incomprehension)

You may wonder how you can play against an opponent you can't see. But millions do this every day, when they play online games against another person in another place, or against the computer. The fact you can't see your opponent does not make the game any less fun.

Let the games begin...

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